Love Heals Your Heart

Do you ever have those moments when a song that you've heard a thousand times before will just suddenly hit you with a brand new meaning?  That very thing happened to me tonight, but I must tell you, in a nutshell, why this song meant to me what it did.  These past few weeks have been what I consider to be the hardest yet of my entire life.  After almost 2 and a half years of dating the same guy, he broke up with me in an email.  Modern conveniences have made it easier to communicate with people than ever before, BUT what men need to know early on is that most women, including myself, need face-to-face discussions for closure. I won't go into the painful details of our last discussion, but my now-ex-boyfriend told me that closure was irrelevant.  Now I as a woman beg very much to differ on that claim.  Closure may be irrelevant to him and to many other guys out there, but to women, closure is so very important!!!  I can't stress this enough.  First of all, guys, you need to realize that we women are emotional creatures whose hearts are very much into everything we do and everything that happens in our lives.  When you love someone, you consider them and their feelings, even when your intention is to terminate your relationship with them.  The Bible tells us that we should treat each other with love and respect, even when it comes to our enemies.  Now whether or not you consider the person you plan on breaking up with to be your enemy is your own opinion, but it makes it SO MUCH EASIER on the both of you if you end your relationship as friends or at least in a friendly way.  After all, who needs more enemies?  "What do you prefer? Shall I come to you with a whip, or in love and with a gentle spirit?" (1 Cor 4:21)   I for one would at least like to know there aren't any hard feelings and that person isn't dreaming of sweet revenge, not that God would be pleased with that anyway, but I think you get my drift.  Email is NOT the best way.  Face-to-face is best, or over the phone, but make it personal and considerate of the other person. I can't tell you how many sleepless nights I've had, tossing and turning, dreaming and wishing that things had been handled in a better way.  I would've appreciated a face-to-face sit-down chat about the reasons why we needed to break up.  I would've listened and honored the fact that he took the time to tell me all about it, hear what I had to say, and make it a "we" thing instead of a  "him" thing.  If there's one thing that's stressed a whole lot in God's Word, it's the don't-be-selfish thing. "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus…" – Philippians 2:3-5.  I've never gone through a breakup before.  This was my very first relationship.  So many people have told me that after they broke up or were broken up with, they went on the rebound, looking for a new relationship right off the bat, trying to fill the void.  I had told myself "I'll never go through that.  I'm stronger than that.  Guys aren't everything in life after all."  I am sadly mistaken.  I feel as if a part of my heart has been ripped away and I am scrambling to replace it with another warm beating heart to ease the pain.  God, in His wisdom, tries to remind me constantly that the healing and fulfillment I'm looking for can be found in Him if only I would take my hands away from trying to scoop up all the emotional blood pumping out of me onto the floor and let Him take over.  For then would He clean the wound, replacing what blood was lost with His very own, and sew my heart up, restoring my life once again.  We have such a wonderful, generous, and loving God.  When I chose to follow Him, He washed me in His blood, but when I'm hurt and bleeding, He has His very own blood bank standing by, so that His life and healing may run with vigor through our spiritual veins, giving us peace and joy in our circumstances and strength in our weakness.  Our Great Physician is more than just a doctor doing his duty in trying to save our life, He is the Lover of our very soul "Who is not willing that any should perish."  Most times when we get hurt, we sit in the corner and try to nurse our own wounds.  But unfortunately, we can't see the problems that come when we depend on ourselves to fix things.  The infections of bitterness, depression and low self-image set in, warping our minds and destroy any possibility of having an effect for Christ.  When that email came, I was devastated.  I hadn't expected the emotions I ended up feeling.  But God reminded me that He knew that was going to happen.  When I asked Him why, a verse from His Word came to mind… "All things work together for the good of those who love the Lord and are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)   Wow!  It's really awesome when God works fast like that.  He'd shown me that He knew this would be a really painful experience in my life, but that He would be there for me through it and had plans to make me stronger and give me more understanding through it.  It's a tough way to learn, but because of it, I can finally relate to those who have gone through a breakup and are picking up the pieces.  With God's help, I can show them how to get through it all and how God can use even the pain for His glory.  Last week, I was driving down the highway on the way to a job interview, but I was not in the best frame of mind.  Tears were streaming down my face as thoughts of what I had lost and how empty my heart was feeling shot through my mind.  I flipped radio stations often, looking for something to distract me.  A man's voice on one channel caught my interest and I took my hand off the knob and listened.  He was talking about how even after Jesus had been raised from the dead and h ad His glorified body, He still had the scars on His hands and feet from the nails driven through Him to suspend Him from the cross.  This was His brand new body, free of disease and pain and problems.  So why would God choose for Jesus' glorified body to keep the scars He'd received in such a brutal way?  His scars first of all served as a witness to the fact that He had been raised from the dead.  But what really hit my heart was the next reason the man on the radio stated:  so that we might see that Jesus has gone through earthly pain and rejection and can relate to the pain we feel.  The man went on to observe that when people go through horrible experiences that leave scars on their hearts and on their bodies, they usually think those scars only say that they went through that pain and have to carry that memory with them through life.  The man on the radio then said something that changed my tears of loneliness to tears of joy.  "Scars are the outside proof that healing has taken place on the inside.  Instead of seeing those scars as proof that you were hurt, see those scars as a reminder that Jesus has healed you, letting them be a testimony of His healing power for all to see."  Those words comforted me like you wouldn't believe, and I hope they do the same for you.  It's been and still is a long and hard journey for me.  Today was really hard, dealing with a whole lot of memories that just come and invade my mind.  I started focusing again on what I didn't have anymore and walked around in a hopeless state for a few hours.  I went outside and just wandered, breathing in the fresh air, looking around at the beauty of the fall leaves, listening to the birds going crazy in the trees as I walked past.  That alone just about cleared my head.  Everyone feels God more keenly through different things.  For me, He shows me so much through nature.  It's been said that God "romances" us through His creation, whether it's the night stars or the rushing wind or the melting sunset.  To put it plainly, I felt very "romanced" today as I walked out there.  It was almost as if I had a boyfriend again, except I felt at peace knowing that this one "would never leave me or forsake me" and that I should "be content with Him and confident in Him" knowing that.  (Hebrews 13:5b-6)  It is now that the song I mentioned at the beginning of this soapbox episode comes into play.  Playing the piano is one of my passions since music seems to bring me closer than anything else to fully worshipping my God.  One of my favorite collections happens to be the Phantom of the Opera.  Oh, there are some beautiful songs in there, none of which are really about God at all, which makes my experience that much more amazing.  The song "All I Ask of You" has always charmed me with its chord changes and sweet melody, but tonight, I took a closer look at the words.  Read them carefully…  ALL I ASK OF YOU No more talk of darkness Forget these wide-eyed fears I'm here Nothing can harm you My words will warm and calm you Let me be your freedom Let daylight dry your tears I'm here With you, beside you To guard you and to guide you S ay you love me every waking moment Turn my head with talk to summertime Say you need me with you now and always Promise me that all you say is true That's all I ask of you Let Me be your shelter Let Me be your light You're safe No one will find you Your fears are far behind you All I want is freedom A world with no more night And you Always beside me To hold me and to hide me Then say you'll share with Me one love, One lifetime Let Me lead you from your solitude Say you want me And you need me Beside you Anywhere you go, let me go too That's all I ask of you Say you'll share with Me one love One lifetime Say the word and I will follow you Share each day with Me, Each night, each morning Say you love me You know I do Love me, that's all I ask of you Love Me, that's all I ask of you Now that you've read it once, go back and imagine that God is the One singing the bold type and we are singing the rest.  It takes on a whole new meaning, doesn't it?  Like He's romancing us, right?  Especially that part about "leading" me "from my solitude."  I've felt so alone, but I'm the one who's been distancing myself from the very Lover of my Soul Who longs to comfort me and heal my broken heart.  I have cried so many times in these last few weeks, a few times so hard I felt I was trying to scrape the grief from the depths of my heart.  But no matter how hard or deep I cried, the pain just wouldn't let go.  My pastor read a verse from Romans that fit quite well.  "And the Holy Spirit helps us in our distress. For we don't even know what we should pray for, nor how we should pray. But the Holy Spirit prays for us with groanings that cannot be expressed in words.  And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will." Romans 8:26-27.  I couldn't even express the amount of pain I was feeling, not in words, not in how hard I cried, not anything.  But I could take comfort in the knowledge that God knew what I was feeling right then and understood and was ministering to me the way He knew I needed to be.  He's the best Lover there is.  I want to end this entry with yet another song whose truth has touched my heart and still brings me to tears.  "Did you think you were immune to this? Did you think you could escape without infection? You do all you're able to resist Just to avoid the danger of rejection Memory warns you of the past When it all went wrong When you think your life is shattered And there's no way to be fixed again Love heals your heart At a time you least expected You're alive like you have never been Love heals your heart Everybody has a wall to climb That was built to guard the pain that holds them captive And every smile that they would hide behind Will try to mask the hurt beneath the surface Sometimes it's hard to understand How we're trapped inside When you think your life is shattered And there's no way to be fixed again Love heals your heart At a time you least expected You're alive like you have never been Love heals your heart, love heals your heart" Please don't continue to sit in that dark corner and nurse your own wounds.  Turn to Him and let His everlasting, unconditional, fulfilling love heal your heart.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7. Praying that you find peace and joy in Him,  Vanessa ;) <><  "God can do whatever He wants to do however He wants to do it, and He chooses to work through us because He loves us."  - Facing the Giants

Chapter 11 - Web Pages and Scripting Alternatives - Sounds like fun, don't it?

• JavaScript- a bit of code written to enhance a Web page
• XML - eXtensible Markup Language is "designed to organize content or data"
• AJAX - Isn't that a soap? Not if you want to create complex Web applications. AJAX uses Asynchronous JavaScript, CSS, and XML to do that.
• PHP - Personal home page Hypertext Preprocessor is an open source, server-side scripting language that's useful for frequently changing data displayed in stable format.
• CGI Scripts - According to my teacher's Powerpoint, "Some Web programs work best when done by the server computer, but in order to use server-side programs, the client must pass info to the server. The protocol used by the client to pass needed information to the server is known as a Common Gateway interface or CGI.
• You don't have to know how to do all this complex stuff in order to have a Web page. That's what a graphical interface is for. You can look ot one screen and type what you want and the program will change it into whatever language will get it into the page the way you want. Oh yeah, and you can hire a programmer to do all this for you. Hurry! Time's-a-wasting. Order your programmer today. He slices...he dices....he purees your ideas into web pages for you in no time. And if you order in the next 5 minutes, we'll throw in our own compact version of virus protection absolutely FREE! Not as expensive as the original and it doesn't have all the extra bulky components the original had, but it's FREE!

*Don't expect or reduced version to block all viruses. Exceptions and exclusions may apply. This package has not been evaluated by the FBI, CIA, or the DNA and may not completely protect your computer. Ha! It may not protect you at all, but hey, what do you get for FREE?
Well, class is over and I'm tired. I'm getting off this thing before it sucks whatever traces of my brain are left clinging to the insides of my skull. Ugh!
~Vanessa ;) <><

Chapter 10 - Advanced Web Page Construction- Ooooooh......Ahhhhhhhh!

HTML stands for hypertext markup language. It tells the computer how things are supposed to look.

• There are 4 "elements defining basic Web page layout that should be included in every displayable Web page.

1. HTML
2. HEAD
3. TITLE
4. BODY

• There are start and end tags and content in between. What a crazy mixed up language it is, but look at the really cool pages it creates!
• Cascading Style Sheets tell how the Web page is supposed to look. This is where you change your fonts and your colors.
• Interactive Web pages have items that change colors, shift position, or even go blurry when moused over. Nice design layouts!

A'ight! On to the last one.

~Vanessa ;) <><

Chapter #9 - Basic Web Page Construction.

I had a lot of fun making my own web page. All it takes is a text editor. I used Microsoft Expression Web 2.

• There's a lot of copyright laws, so make sure the stuff you use is either cited or you can use copyleft stuff without having to cite.
• So much goes into it, like planning the content and organization. Storyboards really help you get the idea of how your page will look.
• The basic elements are the title, your name and contact info, the modifaction date, fun pictures (remember you can't take anything back that you post....it's there forever, so be careful!), and even links to other pages.
• Web page editors simplify the page-building process.
• To publish your page, you need access to a Web server, the DNS address of that Web server, and the pathname.

Fun stuff!

~Vanessa ;) <><

Chapter #8 - Encryption and the Internet - Kinda like heiroglyphics, only more up to date.

• Cryptography is the study of secret codes associated with classified information and intelligence gathering.
• Encoding and decoding info is key to encryption. They substitute one character for another, kinda like Morse code and all that fun jazz.
• There are substitution codes, which just go back and forth using the same keymap, but those are easy for hackers to decode. There's risk of interception every time the key is passed. It's like a football game where you're running with the key, trying to make the pass to the next guy, but these huge dudes are coming at you from all sides trying to take it from you. Must......pass......key! Can't....be.....CRUSHED!!!
• Public key encryption uses 2 keys, making it more secure. If one key is lost, the other's useless by itself.
• Digital signatures are more resistant to forgery than written signatures. They protect document integrity so your personal info doesn't get stolen.

Heavy stuff. Good luck!

~Vanessa ;) <><

Chapter #7 - E-commerce

Be wise when you shop. Not all sites are safe, especially when you're giving them your credit card info.

• Always use a credit card, NOT a debit card, when buying things online.
• Make sure the site has a URL that begins with https:// . This and that cute little padlock on the corner of the URL ensure the site is safe for sensitive info.
• DON'T send credit card info over email. Dumb move! Anyone could get their hands on it....or they're mouse. lol
• Keep detailed records of all your order info just in case it gets lost or stolen, and check your merch to make sure no damage has befallen them. ;)
• Before you purchase, look at the e-store's digital certificate info. See that the URL matches the domain listed on the certificate.

Happy shopping!
~Vanessa ;) <><

Chapter #6 - Software on the Internet. Hmmmm...... is it kosher?

I like the fact that we can download free software on the Internet, but you gotta be careful.
Overview:

• Software found in stores is usually more expensive because of the production and media price. That's what makes downloading it so easy.
• Demos are cool, and free, but don't have all the bells and whistles the full version you have to pay for does.
• Shareware can be installed and evaluated for a fixed trial period, after which you have to pay to keep it.
• Nagware is shareware that continues to launch after the free trial period is over, but with reminder that it's time to register. Don't you just hate those?
• Freeware is distributed free of charge. Yay!
• Open source software includes application software and even operating systems.
• Antivirus protection, like Kapersky and Norton Antivirus, are good to have to protect against viruses and other great bugs websites want to give you. Yuck!
• Don't download too much software or your computer will get slower and slower. "Ugh! This is way too heavy! No more, please!!!"

That's it. Next chapter. Oy!

~Vanessa ;) <><

And Chapter #5.....

Search Engines.....VROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooooooooooommmm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

• There are search engines and metasearch engines. Meta, as in it collects stuff from all over, not just within a small picky little area.
• Subject trees are cool. You start with a general search term, and then as you get into more detail, the branch gets smaller until you find what you were looking for....that tasty green leaf.
• It takes a lot of research and changing of your search terms to find what you're looking for. If in one search engine, you can't find what you're looking for in the first 20 or 30 hits, give up and try elsewhere.
• To narrow stuff down, use Boolean queries like AND, OR, NOT or even - or +. See? Those conjunctions we learned on Schoolhouse Rock really came in handy! Plus it gave us some great annoying ammo for long car trips. "Conjunction Junction, what's yo' function?"

Fun stuff. On to Chapter #6.

~Vanessa ;) <><

Like I promised, here's Chapter #4. This one was on Web 2.0....a real doozy!
My teacher did a great powerpoint on this one, even showed a bunch of YouTube videos to keep us from falling asleep by the light of the computer screens. It is a dark room after all.

Here's my overview:

• He told us how human beings are highly social (most of them) and are drawn to communicating media. This explains why Facebook and Myspace are so popular......and highly ADDICTING!!! So beware.
• Email is the most popular internet application, as well as instant messaging, blogging (your's truly), and podcasting.
• Web 2.0 technology allows more sophiticated internet participation, using Javascript and XML.
• We learned what a Wiki was and had to do stuff on one. It let us create and edit pages, even a TO DO list, that we could go into and change as stuff got posted and accomplished. According to the book, it uses database technology to store, organize, and retrieve content on demand. A wiki "provides server support, not content," so obviously all you can do is post on it, not look for a whole lot of info in it.
• Contrary to popular belief, Wikipedia shouldn't be completely hated. Its information is collected by people who post on it after doing their research. It's not all completely reliable, but that's the risk you run by using it.
• Folksonomies are the use of informal classification schemes to organize content, like Flickr and del.icio.us.
• We talked about the psychology of chat rooms....scary thought. You wouldn't think people would want to lie about who they are, would you? Anonymity is kinda fun, though. In one aspect, the Internet keeps people from being themselves, but in another, it can bring people together.

So I think I've posted enough on this one. Chapter #5's next.

~Vanessa ;) <><

And here's Chapter #3.



This one was on e-mail management, something I'm so addicted to I couldn't possibly NOT know everything about it....well almost everything. ;)



I learned that....

• email messages are usually fairly short, address a single topic and rely on plain text (Have they seen MINE lately?)


• they are written in informal style (you'd better believe it. I'm addicted to smileys ;) and other weird phrases that started online like LOL and LULAS


• You can send replies right back to the sender with just the click of a button ( Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re:Re: Re: Send this back to me!)


• Email convenience has given new meaning to the word "regret". It's just too darn fast for the mind sometimes. Been there, done that, bought the stupid t-shirt with the finger pointing up at MY face.


• A valid email address consists of a user if and a host address. Type one wrong letter and that sweet love note you just sent your wonderful boyfriend just went to some bikerdude in the city.....who's very lonely.
• You can filter your email! This is a wonderful thing. I really don't have the money to take a cruise to Iowa or want my body to be donated to science for research on how long it takes bugs to find it on a crime scene. I can say no to these interesting but usually disturbing offers that some into my inbox. Thankyou very much.

These are just some of the things email has to offer. If you're reading this, you obviously have access to a computer, and email addresses are free. So get one. They're useful.

I'll get off my soapbox now.

On to the next chapter!

~Vanessa ;) <><

Okay, here's Chapter #2.

This one was on Personal Safety Online.

We learned:

• each time you connect to the Internet, you enter a public place in which your conduct is visible and everything has consequences
• There is an actual policy, an AUP (Acceptable Use Policy) that outlines appropriate use of the Internet and is enforced by system administrators
• Your password is the first line of defense. It can keep someone from accessing your personal life and getting into your other accounts too
• Passwords should be really nice and confusing for potential hackers. Make it as hard as possible for ANYONE to figure out....except yourself, of course. I actually made mine so hard I was almost unable to get into this site to post this blog. lol
• We learned about Phishing - a form of online fraud through e-mails asking your personal information and looking all official. Some stage a problem to get you worried your account info is being stolen, so you give them the info needed to sign into your account and POOF!!! There they go with your bank book.
• Identity theft (I LOVE the Capital One Vikings!) occurs when stolen personal info is used to open accounts used to make fraudulent purchases. Get this...it isn't even limited to Internet activity. Oy! Still feel safe?

I think I'll stop there for now. I've got quite a headache and have a job to go find so I can pay for more of this wonderful education that taught me all of the above.

See ya!

~Vanessa ;) <><

Buckling down to basics

Hey Everyone. So yeah, I've procrastinated once again but I'm here to redeem myself.
I have to share with you some stuff I learned in class on each chapter of my computer book, so bear with me while I give you the gory details. Don't get me wrong, I love my class and my teacher rocks. Procrastination just seems to come back and bite me in the butt sometimes. So here goes.....

Chapter#1

In this chapter, we learned that:

• college seniors use the Internet an average of 11 hours per week
• the internet is used for so many things, from business to personal, to just shooting the breeze
• the internet can be used for good and for evil and this class is supposed to help me to learn how to use it for the former
• a computer is made up of 3 main parts - an Operating System, which is literally like the "heart" of the computer and is needed in order to run other programs like Microsoft Word and fun stuff like that; a Central Processing Unit (CPU), which pretty much digests all the information that's incoming (AHHHHH!!!!INFO OVERLOAD!); and the Memory, which in humans unfortunately diminishes the longer they stare at its cold glass monitor.
• There are two kinds of memory - Random Access Memory or RAM, and long-term memory.
• So the RAM kinda acts like Dory in Finding Nemo and loses any info when the computer is shut off because the CPU reads and writes to the RAM so quickly. Each program requires some amount of RAM.
• Long-term storage includes hardware that stores files you create and software and its data files. Examples we were given include hard drives, CD-ROMs and flash drives (my personal fave - don't leave home without it! I actually have a backup just in case I lose it. Be prepared!)

So that's just some of the stuff we learned on Chapter #1.

On to Chapter #2!

~Vanessa ;) <><

Last night, I went for a walk, just in silence rather than rattling off all my requests and drowning Him out. I listened and just breathed in the refreshing air coming over the pond as the sunlight waned. Breathing that air was almost like drinking a glass of water, filling my lungs with its coolness. God totally showed me how rushed my life has been lately and that I need to slow down and enjoy the life He's given me. He showed me how stupidly worried I've been about stuff and the future, that it is all in His hands. He made this beautiful scene stretched before my eyes. It was all I could do to take it all in at once...overwhelming! My eyes couldn't open wide enough to take it all in. And He created that! The huge expanse of darkening sky, the endless horizon blotched with the furry heads of pine trees, the marsh over which countless geese flew, honking at one another. He MADE that! And I was questioning my life's future? I stood there, blown away....well almost literally because the wind was so strong....but just realizing how pointless it is to worry about a future that is in the hands of the One Who with a word formed everything I see and touch and enjoy, even my very life! Who am I to question that kind of power?
Needless to say, it was an awesome experience and I am very much refreshed for it. And no, I am not sick as I thought yesterday. I just needed that rushing wind to blow away all the trash that had accumulated in my brain. It was getting so cluttered I was losing sight of my Abba.
I want to encourage you to never lose sight of Him even when life gets hard or distracting. The problems of this life are never so impossible they make you take your eyes off our Omnipotent Lord. Go outside and fill your lungs with fresh air, clear your mind so you can do mothing but focus on Him and hear what He's trying to tell you. As the pastor of my church says, "God's a gentleman and speaks softly and gently to His children. It's up to us whether we will turn down the noise of our lives to hear what He's trying to say." So shut up and let him have the floor for a change!
"Hear attentively the noise of his voice, and the sound that goeth out of his mouth." - Job 37:2
God bless,
Vanessa ;) <><

First Day of Class

Wow! So I finally have a blogspot account. Coolness! This was actually a requirement for my Intro to the Internet class. So far, it's pretty fun, but I have big plans for this thing that extend far beyond the time limits of my class. Needless to say, I'm gonna have fun with this, and my plan is to expose you all to some interesting, thought-provoking stuff, so stick with me and we'll have quite a blast.
God bless,
Vanessa ;) <><